After I graduated from my BA in Scotland I moved to Leeds. I was so used to having my own studio and for 2 years I was so comfortable in not fully challenging myself to the full extent as to why I was creating something. Before I started this course I was so low as I never had as much time as I wanted to create, it felt so alien to me to feel so hindered, as lame as it sounds I felt so empty as a person. After some time I thought, enough is enough I am going to apply for a masters and here I am. I finally felt it was time to really pick apart my practice and push things forward.

For me the start this course was a complete mind melt, but in the best way possible. At the beginning I would literally go home an my brain would hurt so much from all the sight-seeing, gallery visits, private views and complex questions thrown at us daily. Not going to lie I felt slightly intimidated being in a big  bare walled empty studio, I could tell I wasn’t the only one who felt the same. A few weeks past, I gave myself a kick an said it’s time to get things going. I wasn’t sure where to start, but I knew I was absolutely bursting with ideas and felt and instant urge to make.

I have always been a multi disciplinary artist, having a such short attention span the thought of sticking to a set medium is the idea of ultimate hell for me. However, Being in a studio surrounded by so many painters I felt influenced to paint. This piece was the first piece I began to properly work on in studio.

But it didn’t feel right, something was missing. After a few days of working on this painting I just began to feel more and more frustrated. I put it to the side and left it, it’s presence actually began to piss me off so much. I’ve never been one of those people to be persistent and make a piece of art work, if I’m not feeling it I’m not feeling it and I’ll leave it and that will be that. So, I did.

For some reason I felt drawn to work with clay next and still the same, the work I was making just made me feel really unfulfilled. I cleaned everything off the table and put it into my locker and felt such relief. I don’t know what it was but I was working with traditional materials that just weren’t me at all. I realised after a while that I wasn’t staying true to myself. Then I went outside and found a really old broken studio chair and began to feel excited again, from that moment things started to feel more natural.

It’s now December and within such a short space of time I feel like I’ve not only grown so much as a person but so has my development, process, and thinking. My ideas are moving so fast that I can’t keep up.



FERN O’ Carolan